1. Cross Marketing.
I've heard some students are being forced to read some novelization of the movies in their literature classes. Ridiculous. Does Hollywood run our classrooms now?
novelization of the movies ? Do some research it was a book made into a movie, the book was highly written and is easily one of the most well written books of its age, if you would make the time to actually read a paragraph of the book you will see it is naught the book you say it is
2. Greed.
Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more cash out of the proverbial sheep. After Two Towers made its money, did anyone doubt Rocky would come out of retirement one more time?
In the book series there is 3 books making it a trilogy, so what your suggesting is that they go 2 thirds into the movie then for no reason just stop trying to destroy the ring?
3. Quality Control at New Line.
Millions of copies of the LOTR DVDs have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film. Didn't anyone catch this? You know what happens at the end, in the extreme foreground and extreme upper sky? Neither do I. Bush league, gentlemen.
Were not discussing the technical glitch on certain cds were discussing how Lord of the rings, the STORY and MOVIE is bad, way to go off topic there.
4. They switched Darrens on us!
Look closely in Fellowship and you'll notice the human member of their party is played by two different actors at different points of the movie (it takes a sharp eye to notice, but one of them has red hair, one black).
Although I partly agree with you on this part , they did swap actors, I think the issue is not as big of a thing to complain about since nearly every movie has a teleporting person, or a pimple that disappears it is a common mistake that HARDLY throws off the whole quality of the movie.
5. Quality Control at New Line, II.
In the massive Mt. Doom battle scene at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring, a DVD pause reveals at least half a dozen of the 50,000 Orc Warrior extras are wearing modern tennis shoes.
Once again that isn’t big enough of an issue worth complaining , did you know your complaining because 0.012 of the orcs in only ONE scene aren’t completely picture perfect? In total your probably complaining over 0.000012 orcs aren’t perfect.
6. Speaking of Orcs...
The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.
This is completely incorrect in every aspect, for starters the movie is made in 2001 and the orc looks like this. The first orcs ever in blizzard looked like this: Please explain how they look ANYTHING alike? If your suggesting that there stolen from this orc : Once again they look nothing alike PLUS that orc was made in 2002, that makes it literally IMPOSSIBLE for LOTR to have of stolen it, not to mention it is illegal to copyright an orc since it isn’t a product it is a mythical creature invented thousands of years ago.
7. Racism.
Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black-skinned antagonistsand their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and performblack magic. One would have to be blind to miss the symbolism.
Once again this is incorrect , okay lets say there was exatctly half and half of white and black-skined people how would that NOT be racist! What your saying is that black-skinned people have to be perfectely even for it to NOT be racist? By showing that it doesn’t matter which characters are white and which are black shows how they don’t care about the color of peoples skin. And your saying all the evil things were black such as crows?! Do you suggest they have doves as the evil birds? Crows eat the flesh of dead people in the desert they have to be evil, plus black magic is an ancient art of magic that is evil , it existed LONG before LOTR, even if LOTR made up black magic the color black has ALWAYS been assumed as evil, it is a shadow dark color.
8. Gold: The Stretchy Element.
The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.
This is amazing… It actually states in the original book that the MAGICAL ring changes sizes to fit whoever wheres it! Your acting like the books plot said that the ring isn’t magic , honestly did you even study up before saying any of these things ?
9. Violence.
Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting.
Seriously… are you suggesting that they don’t touch eachover, they say things like “May I have that ring please I need to destroy you and all your race!” “Oh sure why didn’t you just ask , here you go have fun killing us all!”… honestly tell me one major country fight that hasn’t been solved with violence, the whole plot for the story is that if he gets the ring everyone will die.
10. Horse sense.
Why didn't they take horses on their quest? Or even better, why didn't Gandalf's giant flying bird friendhaul them into Mordor? Watch out, Frodo! All of your methods of transportation have been swallowed by the Dark Lord of the Plot Hole!
Regarding the horse part … Lets say if they had them , explain how they would Haul them up mountains and go hiking and hide them under a rock when enemy scouts are around? As for the giant bird, the bird would be spotted and shot down instantly by the hundreds of thousands of orcs, meanwhile on foot they can get in secretly
11. Retracted.*
See below.
12. Return of the Living Dead.
In FOTR, if you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.
13. Did someone say plot hole?
Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman.
This is just sexist?
14. The Battle Droid Syndrome.
The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective fighters, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.
That’s racist plus the point of the armies was this : The orcs were made HEAPS but were weak and untrained, the humans took forever to make but were trained and really strong, this isn’t just a stupid assumption wars have been one with a 1 to 2 ratio, take the great Spartan war for example.
15. Sloppy CGI.
Gandalf's smoke boat at Bilbo's party is p retty impressive, but smoke cannot be made to travel horizontally, thus revealing it to be nothing but a cheap special effect.
Wait so hordes of magical goblins doesn’t throw you off track, but mystical moving smoke sets you to a whole new level of intense ?
16. The Asbestos Wizard.
We all saw Gandalf fall into the molten core of Middle Earth after his battle with the firebeast thing in part 1. Well, I guess the Gandalf action figure must have sold well, because in the slap-together sequel Two Towers, Gandalf is back. Perhaps it was voodoo, a la the corpse in Weekend at Bernie's II (look closely and you'll notice LOTR steals several elements from the WaB films).
Once again LOTR came first, study up its impossible to steal from future movies!
17. Invisible Implausibility.
Every time Frodo or Bilbo went invisible with the ring they should have also gone BLIND. Your eyes cannot function unless light is reflected off the cornea. If light passes through it (as must be the case with invisibility) sight is no longer possible. Also, rings do not turn you invisible.
Now your suggesting that the MAGIC didn’t make sense? ITS MAGIC ok? It is magic there is no need for science in this story.
18. The Asbestos Wizard, II.
The giant fire beast thing at the end of part 1 was breathing a firey breath hot enough to send heat-distortion waves through the air. The sheer temperature of the air should have burned off Gandalf's beard and eyebrows. None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair as this would provide practically no advantage in either survival or mating.
Once again why are you applying science into magic ? your reading? From what I have seen you haven’t study the slightest bit on anything of this movie.
19. I'll have to rent that one.
The rushed-through story the screenwriter threw in as the first ten minutes of Fellowship of the Ringlooked a lot more interesting than the movie we were forced to watch. Why didn't somebody make a movie off that instead?
Earlier on your complaining they explained the storyline much to slow and were milking it NOW you complain its saying it to fast? Contradicting
20. Magic Mechanics.
Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need threemagical staffs, not two.
I am an occult fan. Occult doesn’t have experts . Occult is something that’s un explained and has no science, that means you cant put an official number on something that isn’t proved.
21. Finders, keepers.
So Bilbo, who we are supposed to identify with as a protagonist, finds a piece of someone else's jewelry and just keeps it for himself? That's funny, because I would expect a good man to submit it to the local Lost and Found so it could be claimed by its owner. It makes me wonder if he bought that hillside house or if he was just squatting.
According to ANY mythical story part of a cave looters job is to LOOT monsters. Is he meant to go up to a feral creature that will kill him for no reason and say “Here is your ring back fine sir”?
22. Go-Go Gadget Arrow Sprouter.
Legolas shoots arrow after arrow at his enemies, and yet the number of arrows in his quiver never decreases. I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.
Idiot… the movie explains that he has a magical arrow sachet that never runs out of arrows.
23. Watch out! He's going to explode!
The heroes are shown eating again and again, and yet no one ever goes to the bathroom throughout their entire quest.
EVERY movie in the world has this, what do you expect for them to show the characters doing that kind of thing?
24. Meesa gonna make theesa movie suckah!
The character of Gollum in The Two Towers was entirely computer animated (a cheap effort to cash in on 1999's Jar Jar Binks Mania) but was just a dim shadow of George Lucas' effort. Thank you, Peter Jackson. Thank you right to Hell.
It was animated completely, it was made with a man in a green screen suit BESIDES is every movie in the world copying JarJar binks? There were hundreds of movies BEFORE JarJar binks. He wasn’t even the first idiot, oh and cheap ? LOTR Made $1,060,925,440 take the currencies and compare it todays that’s even more money PLUS the franchise is still cashing in!
25. Propaganda.
The Elves, clearly the most advanced and wise species, are also clearly gay.
That’s just childish banter.
26. Speaking of Elves...
Elves are beautiful and wise and tall? Great warriors? Makers of fine lightweight weapons? Our modern knowledge of elves has observed only an ability to make cookies and toys. All the elves in the film are portrayed as living in a warm paradise (Rivendell) but our own information tells us the aforementioned group of toymaking elves work and thrive in the arctic. Hey, Mr. Jackson: Research is half of writing.
Research? The original myths of elves were not Santa’s helpers they lived in forests and were mystical, and anyway like YOUR one to talk about research.
27. Homage or theft?
The "happy village of little people" idea was stolen from Willow.
Once AGAIN you didn’t research that LOTR came first!
28. Homage or theft II?
The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.
The wise old wizard is an age old character that has been repeated thousands of times
Homage or theft III?
The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek.
Startingly it was a carrot field and they weren’t traveling through corn fields, they walked through it for 10 seconds on screen in total before getting pushed off it.
29. Homage or theft IV?
The character of the rebellious-but-helpful Ranger was stolen from Val Kilmer in Willow.
Once again LOTR came first.
30. Homage or theft V?
The concept of the violent dwarf was based on Al Pacino.
Al Pacino was 3 at the time… and he isn’t even a midget or dwarve…
31. Homage or theft VI?
The "old man looking through the door hatch at the approaching little people" scene was stolen from A Clockwork Orange.
For starters once AGAIN LOTR came first and also do you think that there has never been an old man looking at a couple of little people walking…
32. Homage or theft VII?
The cantina scene with a noisy bar filled with a mix of otherworldly species was stolen from Cecile B. DeMille's One Night in an Alien Bar.
Starwars ALSO had a scene like that does that mean it’s also a rip off? Oh and in that bar there were only humans nothing else so what do you mean otherworldly species?
33. Homage or theft VIII?
The incident with the flock of evil magical spying crows serving the All-Seeing Eye was based on an actual incident.
…what? Are you suggesting all seeing eyes are real?
34. Homage or theft IX?
The character of the Giant Evil Flaming All-Seeing Eye was based on former President Jimmy Carter.
How!?
35. Homage or theft X?
The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.
LOTR came first AGAIN…
36. Weighty issues.
AKA "Plot Hole No. 273." Even with all that walking and light eating, the character of Sam only got fatter.
Do you complain how all the characters beards kept getting magically shaved in every movie in the world ? No you do don’t. So why is this any different
37. Realism, schmealism.
Liv Tyler's immortal elf volunteers to give up her eternal life for a single romance with a human man. Could any man really be that well endowed? I find it unlikely.
Realism… Once again the fact she is immortal in the first place slips by you but love is just crazy isn’t it!
38. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.
The most advanced civilization is that of the elves, which are long-haired, new-age types? Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct.
That isn’t even a modern civilization for starters and your saying you don’t like there clothes, but the fact there elves in the first place is all good.
39. Too many notes.
No movie should be over two hours long. Did we need that whole thing in the mine in part 1? What about that almost-infinite battle scene in part 2? Didn't it seem like they were just adding pointless scenes in the middle to pad it? It's like they decided beforehand they wanted three hours for each film and used filler to flesh them out.
So first it was its to long, then to short, now again that it’s too long.
40. Too many notes, II.
I just want to re-emphasize the above point. There is no reason entertainment can't be concise.
You should of named it 49 reasons if you’re just going to repeat things, my above point is right again.
41. Too many notes, III.
Too many characters to keep track of. The dwarf was clearly only there as a token dwarf character to sell tickets to lucrative movie-going dwarf demographic. Lose him.
Wow in the movie there are 4 races Hobbit, Dwarves , Human, Elven and they had one of each character that portrayed how each race is, the hobbit lazy but noble, the dwarves sheer power, the human corrupt but justice removing even 1 would ruin the movie
42. Rationalization for violence.
Why, in part 1, is the black octopus creature painted as the bad guy when it attacks, when one of the fellowship had clearly been throwing rocks at it?
Throwing rocks in the water, and if I accidently throw a tiny pebble at you and you lash out and kill me and all my 5 friends… whose the real bad guy?
43. The Shoeless Land.
The Hobbits both 1) refuse to wear shoes and 2) run a livestock-based farming economy. Wouldn't they constantly be stepping in feces? Why doesn't the movie address this issue?
Hobbits are feral little humans who have thick skin on their feet with hair on the bottom to protect them from such things and are one with the land so dirt is nothing to them.
44. Casting.
Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken?
Because he was roughly minus 11 years old at the time…
45. Casting, II.
Why couldn't Gandalf have been played by Bruce Campbell?
Minus 20
46. Casting, III.
Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?
Minus 30
47. Casting, IV.
Why couldn't Aragorn have been played by a monkey?
Bad joke that doesn’t even prove a point
48. The Score.
The background music nearly zero funk.
The music was bad? Want good music go to a musical.
49. What's that smell?
As bad as the Lucasfilm internet leaks were with the last Star Wars trilogy, the filmmakers of Lord of the Rings allowed the paperback novelizations onto shelves years in advance As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it.
Earlier on you had said novelization of the movie but now you take notice the book came before it, and the film makers didn’t send out a book while they were making a movie, a author had a book made into a movie for him.
-Dr. Albert Oxford, PhD
London Film Institute
*RETRACTED REASONS LORD OF THE RINGS SUCKS:
11. Damn you, gravity!
The giant firebeast thing is defeated by Gandalf when he destroys the bridge, sending the creature plunging to its death... despite the fact that it has wings.
This was retracted when a reader pointed out that the wings, like the rest of the beast, were made of shadow and fire and thus would be useless for flight.
You were so wrong this time someone else pointed it out for you…
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